Relationships are tough. And in this age of online dating, getting to know who a man really is, underneath the facade is more difficult than ever. People have perfected the art of lying and lying convincingly well. Thus, more and more women end up realizing a little bit too late into their relationship that they’ve shared a bed with a complete stranger.
More often than not, a person will reveal their true personality by their actions and words. It’s just up to you to pay attention to the red flags. And because we know how difficult that can be, we’ve put together a bunch of thought provoking questions to start conversations that will ultimately give you some insight on where his head is at.
We’re not magicians, but we’ll tell you this, asking the right questions would usually get you the answers you need. Beyond commitment, use this to also figure out whether you’re compatible with this person, in belief, values, character and thought process. Just keep an eye out for the sweet talkers though. If he sounds like too good to be true. He most likely is.
To see if he has commitment issues
When you start talking to a guy, you will want to know if he is open to commitment. There are a lot of excuses men give to avoid commitment. These questions should help you see where he stands on that.
What are your intentions with me?
Ask him this early on. If he is just looking for a girl to have fun adventures with, then, he’s most likely not ready to be in a committed relationship. On the other hand, if he starts talking about wanting something serious and probably settling down, it’s a good sign, but take that with a grain of salt until his actions prove it. Most men know that women want commitment and will tell you exactly that to get in your pants
Where do you see yourself in five years?
If he doesn’t mention being in a stable relationship as part of his long-term goals, this should tell you he is not ready to be in one. Same goes for if there’s no hint of financial stability in his long term plan.
How long was your last relationship and how did it end?
If his last relationship ended because of commitment issues, you’ll probably get that from his answer. If he doesn’t even remember what happened, my sister, that’s a red flag.
Do you believe in long term relationships or do you prefer to go with the vibes?
This question sounds hypothetical, but it’s a very important one to ask. Listen closely to how he answers as it will give you a general insight on what value he places on relationships.
What is important for you in a long term relationship?
A man who has thought about, and is not afraid of commitment would have core values or something really important to share. If he starts to give a lot of filler talk, then he’s probably not really considered it. In most cases, that could be a red flag.
To Understand How He Thinks About Money
Asking questions related to a guy’s financial stability might be a little bit uncomfortable but if you are looking into a long-term relationship with this person you will want to know if they can fend for themselves, support a particular lifestyle, or if they have any kind of debt.
If you won a huge amount of money in the lottery, how would you spend it?
Talking about money with a potential partner can be fun contrary to popular belief. Starting with an entertaining and hypothetical question can lighten up the mood and feel less interfering. This question will give you insight into his mindset and what his money priorities are at the moment.
What kind of money habits did your parents have growing up?
The way parents handle and spend money while growing up can impact one’s financial literacy. His answer will tell you more about his financial principles, most of the things we know about money were formed at an early age.
How much do you make?
Although this can be an uncomfortable question, it is necessary. Maybe wait until you’re both really comfortable with each other (and are inching closer towards the next step of your relationship) before asking. If you’re in the early stage of the relationship but you want to filter out men that are not financially stable, ask him to tell you about his job and what his day to day is like.
Do you prefer to have a joint or separate account with your partner?
Ask this if you plan on sharing a space in the long run. You both can feel strongly about these questions so it’s best to know where you two stand beforehand.
Who should be in charge of managing money in a relationship??
It is important to know earlier on if he likes to control the amount of money that goes in and out, especially if you plan on living together.
How Do You Feel About Debt?
Debt can be a very touchy topic for most people. You don’t have to ask how much debt he owes, just enough know how he feels about it. This question can help you see where his mind is at when it comes to debt. If you’re about to make a high stake commitment though, like marriage, definitely ask about how much he owes.
To Figure Out Whether He Has Violent Or Abusive Tendencies
It is important to note that abuse can happen emotionally, as much as physically. A man might try to avoid or lie about this if you ask questions in the context of a relationship. But most of them think it’s okay to get physical with a female sibling or with their peers. If you want to figure out if your potential partner has tendencies of being violent or abusive ask him these questions in the context of family and friendship
Have you ever been in a physical altercation with someone in the past?
An abuser may say, “I hit someone in the past, but he/she made me do it.” This is him minimizing what happened in the past and this means he will likely do it again. Abusive behavior does not just go away; it takes long-term counseling and a sincere desire to change. I strongly believe that if you hit someone once, you’re very likely to do it again.
Tell me about a time when you had to physically restrain someone during an argument.
If he exhibits any form of force during arguments, including physically restraining, pushing, and shoving that’s a red flag. Unless he had to physically restrain someone from being violent for safety. Tread carefully here ladies.
What’s the craziest thing you’ve done out of jealousy?
Jealousy can be flattering to some. How you handle that emotion is what matters. Pay close attention to the scenarios he shares and ask yourself if you’d be comfortable if you were at the receiving end.
What was the last argument you got into and what part of it was your fault?
Abusers will rarely admit to the part they play in causing a problem. If you notice he hardly takes responsibility and always blames others for almost anything that goes wrong, he might be narcissistic. Do your homework on that one.
Who was to blame in your last relationship?
A manipulative person will not only blame people for their actions they will also be quick to bad mouth them. Run away from any man who always trash talks his ex. Physical abuse is not the only kind of abuse that exists.
To See If He’s Romantic or Intentional
What do you like about me?
A romantic guy will not answer this question with just a word or two. He will take his time to describe the little details that make you unique.
What struck you about my profile?
If he is someone you met online, this question will provide more insight into intentions. If he gives a specific thoughtful and sweet answer he might be a romantic, or just a super sweet talker. Stay watchful ladies.
What’s your ideal first date like?
Most romantic men have a cutesy idea of how they want a first date to go, not Netflix and chill. If he’s talking long walks by the water or something that seems to have come out of a book, he’s probably a cheesy romantic.
What does your ideal relationship look like?
Most romantic guys already have a picture of what they want in a relationship. From his answers, you will get to know if he’s typically a lover of romance.
To See If He’s A Time Waster
Time is money. Nobody wants to be in a relationship with a time-waster. These questions should help you figure out if he is a not ready for a serious relationship:
Do you think that marriage should be the final destination with relationships?
If he thinks long-term relationships are great but he keeps saying that marriage is “a scam,” it’s time to bail if that’s your ultimate goal. He’s not interested in marrying you, trying to convince him otherwise is not a wise decision.
Do you believe that men are promiscuous by nature?
If he thinks men are promiscuous by nature and it is not in a man’s DNA to be with one woman, he is definitely NOT ready to be in a committed relationship. Run.
Where do you see this relationship going in future?
Sometimes it is okay to be blunt about what you want and what your expectations are! This is particularly true if you have been dating for years, without him talking about committing.
Final Thoughts
Even though some men tend to give dishonest answers, asking the right questions will definitely make it easier to reveal their true intentions. Their words may not say it all but, how long it takes them to answer some questions, as well as, the ones he evades would say a lot as well.