Have you ever been in a relationship long enough for it to feel like you’re just co-existing with each other? Have you ever felt incredibly dissatisfied with your partner and you were not sure how to express your feelings so it eventually turned into resentment? Have you ever walked on eggshells around your partner because you didn’t know how to communicate effectively without fighting? All of this is normal and happens to more people than you realise. Some people, think the only solution to these problems is therapy and yes that can help but a faster, less expensive solution is a relationship check-in. Some might even call it a prevention pill.
A relationship check-in is a time couples set out to talk about the health of their relationship and how they can make it better. If it’s done right, it usually helps with you and your partner’s communication and connection. You can talk about any and everything. From what has been hurting you to what made you laugh that week or month. It’s a bonding session like no other. Some people have, monthly, bi-monthly or quarterly check-ins but my partner and I have found that what works best for us is a weekly check-in. It’s a short time span so it allows us to handle possible issues faster. This helps stem resentment and allows for quicker resolutions. It also makes us feel more connected with each other because sometimes our weeks are so busy we don’t have any time for intimacy.
It’s easy to start a relationship check-in with your partner. You can even start today. You just need to pick a day, time, time limit, how often you’ll have it and what you’ll discuss. The first four are easy enough to figure out but most people(usually when they’re just starting out) find it difficult to figure out what exactly they would like to say during these sessions. I can help you with that.
Here are 11 relationship check-in questions you can try with your partner:
What Have I Been Doing Recently That You Like?
Starting with something positive could help set the tone of the session. When you each say what it is your partner does that you like, it leaves everyone feeling good and lets you open up a bit more. This will be good for when you get to the harder topics.
Is There Anything I Do That You’d Like Me To Stop Or Anything I Stopped Doing That You’d Like Me To Bring Back?
Life happens and sometimes you get too busy so you stop doing things you once did at the beginning of the relationship. You could also have picked up bad habits that could be hurting your partner. Asking each other this question lets you both know what you can do to make your partner happier and what you can stop to prevent further hurt.
Are We Happy With Our Sex Life?
Sex isn’t everything but if you and/or your partner aren’t asexual it’s a significant part of your relationship. Your partner may be unsatisfied with how little sex or may be overwhelmed with how much sex you’re having and because they’re not sure how to not sound confrontational, they don’t bring it up. It could also be that your partner may want to try new things but are not sure how you feel about it or maybe you’re a little too rough but you like it so they don’t say anything. These check-ins can create a safe space where you can talk about these things and make sure everyone is happy and healthy.
Do We Feel Secure With Each Other?
Anyone who loves you would want you to feel safe with them and if you love them you’d want the same for them. A true partner would want to create a safe space for you in their lives. This question is so important because it can tell you how you may be pushing your partner away from you and how you can bring them closer. It can show you how you can make them feel safer.
What’s Our Intimacy Like Outside Sex? Are We Okay With It?
Intimacy isn’t sex alone. You want to build other forms of intimacy with your partner in order to build a stronger connection with them. This topic can let you see how you can grow and intensify your intimacy without sex.
How Would You Rate Our Communication This Week?
Just because you may have a day set out for these talks doesn’t mean you shouldn’t discuss things with each other until the assigned day. Also, emotions rise and fall and you may have been a bit rude to each other. This conversation can allow you to check yourself and help you watch your tone and bad communication habits with your partner.
Is There Anything From The Last Week That Feels Unresolved?
You may have talked about some things that still don’t feel resolved. This lets you bring that back to maybe find a solution.
How Do You Feel About The Division Of Our Household Responsibilities?
Chores, finances and other responsibilities could cause rifts between you and your partner. Discussing it and how it makes you all feel often can stop any problems that may arise because of it.
How Are We Handling Finances This Week?
This can help each of you budget better for the week and month. It also lets you handle pressing needs quicker and any pending debts and/or expenses.
Is There Anything You Want To Talk About?
You may have already had things you knew you would talk about but maybe there’s something that’s not on that list. This lets you bring that up and address it.
How Can I Help Make The Coming Week A Little Easier For You?
You start your check-ins sweet to open yourselves up to receive the harder bits in a gracious way and end sweet to iron out any lingering weirdness that may have arrived from your decisions. This question could put a smile on your partner’s face which would usually put a smile on yours too.