The morning the air tasted like sweat, when sister Mulika’s craw-craw skin glued uncomfortably next to mine on the bus to Oshodi, I told my friend that in four years time, I was going to buy a car.
He laughed.
I remember.
His hoarse voice trickled down the phone like the shudder of an evening rainfall, followed by a cough, repetitive, like the drum of thunder. I imagined that he clutched his belly as he laughed, tight enough to preserve some of the life, threatening to escape from him.
A car should have been the last thing on my mind. In my society, it was a major marker of financial well being. My father had one so we were considered of moderate income. My uncle had five so he was considered stinkingly rich. I was 17 at the time so by any calculation, the only way I was buying a car within 4 years was if an extremely wealthy man bought me one or if God showed up. I couldn’t fault my friend for laughing, but the recollection of sister Mulika’s craw-craw skin grinding painfully close to mine was all the fuel I needed to maintain my stance. We had a bet, if I bought the car before I turned 21, I would ride fuel free at his expense for one year.
In the coming years, I would settle in a country where the odds were less densely stacked and the opportunities were more favorable towards the basic amenities of life. Within the four years, the car got crossed off my checklist and my worries shifted to bolder necessities like a nice house and a high paying job.
One evening, as I sat in my bedroom, pining in discontent about how small my 50-inch tv seemed, my mother walked up to me and said, “ I want you to know that I’m extremely proud of you. Look around, you’ve done a lot in such a short time, and you’ve gotten heights that a couple people in you age group are yet to attempt. As the words escaped her mouth, I felt my heart soften.
I had come a long way but my tendency to Oliver Twist the
shit daylight out of my experiences prevented me from seeing just how far.
Step 1 – Check Your Distance
In the past two years I have lived in four different houses and traveled across the country for different job opportunities, each one significantly better than the last, yet not enough to satiate my taste. I began to complain frequently because nothing was ever enough and the more I complained, the unhappier I became.
The issue was that I always wanted more and wanting more isn’t necessarily a bad thing. In fact, I tend to believe that, “relentless thirst” is one of the single important factors that feed our drive. If one is not fed up with one’s current situation, one will never move forward from it. The offside of this, however, is the feeling of dissatisfaction, worthlessness, and inadequacy that is derived from this need for more. More often than not, when we question our worth and purpose and compare our achievements with some insta-blogger’s perfect life social media standards, it’s because we’re not fully cognizant of how far we have come.
More often than not, when we question our worth and purpose and compare our achievements with social media standards, it’s because we’re not fully cognizant of how far we have come.
-Lilian Ogbuefi
If my mum had not made that comment, I would have been so fixated on what I was lacking that I would have failed to appreciate how far I had come. The first step to tackling discontent is to check your distance. Identifying your starting point is the easiest way to remind yourself that you are not stagnant and that you have something to be thankful for.
Step 2 – Check Your Progress
If you ever feel yourself being weighed down by the displeasure of the current turns your life is taking, check your progress. When I was in college my biggest pet peeve was the restrictions my studies placed on my ability to work. As soon as I graduated, I began job hunting and it took me four months before I could get a job that spoke to my career interest. I remember taking a position as a telemarketer to pass the time but quitting in two days because I couldn’t stand the heat. My bills weren’t going to pay themselves so I leased a car and began to drive for Lyft to make rent until I landed a job. I started my current job as a writer and within 2 years I had moved up the ranks to a Junior Manager, Manager and now a Content Director. It was significant progress but not one I was cognizant of in my weekly bouts of workplace rants.
Many times, when we experience sadness and discontent, it is borne out of the idea that we are not exactly where we intend to be. Highlight the difference between your starting point and your present location, then, pay attention to the breakthroughs along the way.
Many times, when we experience sadness and discontent, it is borne out of the idea that we are not exactly where we intend to be. At times like this, it pays to check one’s progress. Highlight the difference between your starting point and your present location, then, pay attention to the breakthroughs along the way. Doing this would help you evaluate how far you’ve come, as well as, appreciate the minor wins in between. More often than not, in doing this, you’d see that you’ve actually surpassed your initial expectations.
Step 3 – Check Your Gratitude
Discontent is the biggest reason why a lot of women sit in constant displeasure about the state of their life even when they are making considerable progress. It was my reason. Like Oliver Twist, I constantly wanted some more but in doing that, I failed to show gratitude for the “not so little” that I had. It is one thing to check your distance and acknowledge your progress, it is another to express gratitude for how far you’ve come. In fact, expressing gratitude in every situation is a wellness tip I recommend for so many reasons:
- It curbs discontent
- It serves as a constant reminder of our progress
- It eradicates the needs for unnecessary comparisons (as we pursue our desire for more).
It’s so easy to get lost in the maze that is “social media standards and our frivolous desires”. So lost that in our desire to move forward, we discredit our progress and sink the fangs of our emotions on that which we are yet to achieve. To tackle discontent and instantly feel better about your life:
- Check your distance
- Check your progress
- Check your gratitude.
These three tips would keep you in the right frame of mind and promote happiness as you pursue your purpose driven life.