Almost everyone wants a healthy romantic relationship (unless you’re a toxic queen) but along the line, it’s very possible for things to get frustrating. And you might find after recurring disagreements that you are beginning to feel some resentment towards your partner.
Now it is very important to call out your man when he does you wrong in any romantic partnership, but it’s also equally necessary to ask yourself. “Why exactly do I feel the way I do right now?”.
A healthy relationship is not always about pointing fingers. You also need to be willing to hold yourself accountable for your own possible missteps in your relationship. When you think clearly about the frustration you feel towards your partner. You might find that your personal misbehavior or misconception about their role in your life is really the root of the irritation you feel towards them. Understanding this and tackling the problem head-on is one of the best ways to grow yourself and your relationship alongside you.
You’re not ready for a healthy relationship if you don’t understand these, but that doesn’t mean you can’t improve the quality of an already existing relationship. The next time you feel frustrated, consider the following tips in light of the reason for your frustration and be ready to voice out your concerns. If you find that the blame doesn’t lie with your partner, however, be equally ready to correct the error on your end so that you two can keep growing.
Your Happiness Is Still Your Own Responsibility.
Top on the list of the common misconceptions we have about our romantic relationships is the idea that “if he loves me, he has to make me happy”. Don’t get me wrong, your partner especially if he’s in love with you would always find ways to bring you genuine joy but this does not mean that he is responsible for your happiness. Even when he chooses to commit to your bond for life, you need to realize that this choice does not translate into a duty to satisfy your every whim. And this realization needs to go both ways.
As amazing as he is to you, your relationship with him remains a part of your life, not the whole deal. It is still your job to figure out what brings you fulfillment in every facet of your life and it always will be. It is not his job to make you happy; it is not his duty to take care of your mess. He may have chosen to walk beside you and love you through thick and thin, but the path is still your own. Yours. Don’t you lose sight of that.
Keep Your Friends Off The Table
You really don’t have to be “besties” with all of your partner’s friends and you need to realize that by dating you, he isn’t inheriting all your friends as well. You had various kinds of relationships you had before you met him, and you will form even more in the future if you are to keep growing. Of course, being in an honest relationship often means that he knows who your closest friends are (and you know his) but it is equally important that you keep nurturing the healthy relationships (the non-romantic kinds) you had with your own circle of friends. It is important to preserve their objectivity because that way, they can analyze your relationship (if it comes to that) independently. Childhood friends and old schoolmates do not need to hear all about your romantic relationship and your partner shouldn’t get to decide which of them stays in your life and who leaves either.
Share Your Take on Gender Roles Openly
Open conversations on gender roles may not have made such a difference at the offset of your relationship but as your affections for each other grow, you need to be vocal about the roles you can or can’t play in the relationship. Ours is an age where women work and make as much money as their partners (sometimes even more) so that “mothering your man” is no longer as practicable as it once was. Tell him if you enjoy cooking and if you’re already planning a family, he needs to know the extent of involvement you expect from him as a partner and the father of your kids. Be open and honest because regardless of how deeply he understands you, he really can’t read your mind. Also, having these difficult conversations and resolving the issues from them would not only set the acceptable benchmark for your future, but it would also make him respect you a lot more and save you from the frustration of certain emotional labors down the road.
Hold Onto Your Own Identity
You are your own woman. You had your own identity long before he came along, and this is important to remember because to share your life with your significant other, you must have a life to share in the first place. No matter the space he takes up in your life, your independence will always matter in your romantic partnership more than you know. So protect your personal space and nurture your adventurous spirit. Take a trip alone or with your girls and don’t feel guilty if you decide you’d rather he didn’t come along. Smother him with kisses when he runs you a bubble bath but make the time to do it all yourself, for you too. It is important to know that he is beside you but sometimes, you’ll find all you really need to be tucked safely within your own walls. You need to remain your own person; with or without the relationship.
Understand That It’s Okay To Say No To Things You’re Not Comfortable With
By nature, women are nurturers and so we sometimes commit to ventures we don’t really care about just so someone else doesn’t “feel bad”. When you’re in love with someone, the guilt you feel for saying no can double over, but it is crucial that you say no when necessary anyway. It’s still okay to say no to sex when you aren’t feeling it; say no to a baecation if you’d really prefer to stay back and work, and say yes to that pizza order if getting up from the couch to cook dinner feels like suicide. It is lovely to support your partner, but it is also crucial to respect your own boundaries while at it. You don’t have to save up if he is planning to get a car. You don’t have to move in with him if you aren’t ready.
Finally, healthy compromises along with sacrifices are crucial components of a healthy relationship but the point here is that you choose what to give up for your partner. It’s not necessarily a duty on you to settle and if you continue to make sacrifices out of fear of losing your partner, the decisions you make will only push you so far away from your sense of self that even your relationship will end up caught in between.