Long-distance relationships are not for the faint of heart. There’s no relationship as draining or as heart-wrenching. There’s no relationship as heavy. I’ve been in 2, so I would know.
Now no relationship is perfect. None are exactly like the ones you see in rom-coms. They have some moments where they look like that but it’s never all roses and sunshine and it also isn’t as dramatic😉. Relationships at some point have some strife couples have to get through but long-distance relationships(LDRs) have all of that plus the added complication of mostly being apart from each other.
These types of relationships can work. If you’re both willing to work for it and you do your best to prioritise each other, you just may end up together but you need to understand that you’re in for a lot. Here are a few harsh facts about LDRs to take into consideration:
Lack Of Physical Intimacy Can Potentially Destroy Your Relationship
It’s long distance. One of the primary reasons this relationship is so complicated is that you don’t get to see your partner as much as you’d like to. You can’t pop up at their house unannounced or easily surprise them at the office with lunch. You’re incapable of inhaling their scent (and the serotonin that comes with that) right before you go to bed and again when you start your day. You can’t kiss them goodbye or good night. The lack of intimacy that comes with no physical contact can do more harm to an LDR than most people realise. And yes, physical intimacy isn’t everything but it is SOMETHING. It’s something so vital and important, a relationship can feel incredibly disconnected without it.
Here’s What You Can Do About It
First things first, have a conversation with your partner about your feelings. They are not mind readers. They cannot tell what’s going wrong or right if you don’t tell them. Secondly, you need to trust in your feelings, the work you’re putting into the relationship, the relationship itself and most importantly, your partner. Lastly, make time to see each other. Even if it’s once in 3 or 6 months. Work to make sure you don’t go a WHOLE YEAR without being in the same place. It could cause more harm than you are prepared for.
You Will Catch Yourself Getting Jealous Of The Intimacy Your Partner Gets To Share With Others
Now besides warring with the lack of physical intimacy with your partner, you have to wrap your head around the fact that your partner could connect with other people they see on a daily basis. This doesn’t have to be a physical or romantic connection, it could be the person they run errands with or a friend they see every day. This can stir jealousy. You could find yourself getting jealous of even their relatives. They get to see them but you don’t.
Here’s What You Can Do About It
Talk and laugh about it. Don’t make the mistake of letting it become a whole THING. Don’t let resentment grow. Just talk, talk and talk.
Lack Of Commitment
Being in an LDR can be tricky. You have to be sure you and your partner are on the same page because for an LDR to truly work there has to be an end date. At some point, you’ll have to find a way to be together. If your partner doesn’t think the relationship is sustainable or they don’t think it can last and eventually get to the point where it’s no longer an LDR then they’ll be less inclined to commit. They won’t be in it like you are and you’ll feel it. They’ll give a ton of excuses and you won’t feel a quarter of the effort you put in coming from them. It’ll feel like a one-sided relationship because that is exactly what it’ll be.
Here’s What You Can Do About It
Be open and honest. Have an adult conversation about where you’re at and what you’d like. Chances are your partner may just want the same thing but they didn’t think you did. If it turns out that you’re not on the same page and it truly is a casual thing for them, do yourself a favour and check out. If you want more, you deserve more. Don’t settle for anything less.
You’ll Miss Out On The Little Things
Grocery shopping, ordering takeout, getting coffee, taking out the trash and so much more. This all sounds like chores or at the very least something mildly taxing but in an LDR it is the little things you won’t truly understand. You won’t know by heart how your partner likes their coffee, nor will you know the pizza place they’d rather order from. You don’t know how they buy groceries(do they have a list or do they just wing it) or how much they hate filling the car tank. These little things can make you feel apart from your partner. It can feel like you’re not together when you really are.
Here’s What You Can Do About It
Voice and video calls are your best friend. I have been on day-long calls with my partner. We don’t talk every second we’re on the call. Honestly most of the time we’re just doing our own thing but when we’re apart, I’ve never felt closer. In many ways, it feels like I’m right there with them. You can be on the call while they go fill the tank, buy groceries, do dishes and much more.
You’ll Have To Deal With Other People’s Judgement
People have opinions. People have a lot of opinions on things that don’t concern them in any way whatsoever. This is life. A lot of people are going to tell you and your partner you’re crazy. They’ll tell you it won’t work. They’ll tell you they’ve been there and it just isn’t worth it.
Here’s What You Can Do About It
For the people that have already been there, what they say is true for them but it doesn’t have to be for you. Ignore the naysayers, ignore their doubts, ignore their opinions. The only people’s opinions that should matter are yours and your partner’s.
Trust Can Be Fickle
Thisssssss. You know your partner. You know your partner well but can they really be trusted? In an LDR you’ll find yourself second-guessing your partner at every turn. You’ll sit and wonder who they’re with when you are not on the phone with them and you’ll worry about every person you see them post a picture with on social media. It’s not easy. Trusting a person so completely. Some people will say you’re dumb for doing it. I think it’s brave.
Here’s What You Can Do About It
I think i emphasised this a lot already but, COMMUNICATION IS KEY. You cannot be in an LDR and doubt your partner so much and not have a conversation about it. Reassurances do more than most people know.
It’s Expensive
Oooof chile, you have NO IDEA. It doesn’t matter if you live in cities, states or countries apart, the money you spend just to see each other can eventually weigh heavily on your shoulders. It can be too much. It can make you question if it truly is worth it.
Here’s What You Can Do About It
If it’s worth it, if you believe this is a relationship worth fighting for then you and your partner have to have an open and potentially difficult conversation. You need to discuss expenses, how often you plan to see each other, whether or not the travel bills will be split and lots more.
You Can Get Very Lonely
You don’t know loneliness until you’ve been in an LDR. You feel so so close to a person yet you’re all alone. You do everything completely on your own. It doesn’t matter that you video call or talk on the phone while doing EVERYTHING, even driving(these definitely help but-), your partner’s absence can make you feel so alone it’s almost haunting.
Here’s What You Can Do About It
Go out. Not all the time, you deserve your space too. However, occasionally do things with your friends and family. Join a book club or start a class. The best thing to help with loneliness is to keep busy.