Dear Amanda,
I have just one word for you. RUN.
You may love him. He may be the air you breathe and the ground you walk on but if he is a violent man he will never deserve you, your patience, your understanding or your heart. You may think it’s okay to stay because it hasn’t actually happened yet but a man that loves you will never make you feel like he could ever touch you violently. He is showing you exactly who he is but he may have some decency which is what is holding him back or, depending on how long you’ve been together, he could be holding out so you don’t run away quite yet or he could be aware that he has a problem and is working on it but you do not get to be the collateral damage on his road to recovery.
I come from an abusive home so trust me when I say the signs are always there and if you ignore them, you will pay dearly for that. I know it’s hard, especially if you already love him but your future self will thank you for leaving him. Your kids, if you want/have them will thank you for leaving him.
It will take some time but you will heal and eventually be okay again. You deserve a soft love. You deserve a stable love. You deserve a love you can trust to never hurt or harm you. This isn’t it.