When a relationship ends as a result of infidelity, it’s normal to assume that the cheater was at fault, and rightfully so. This line of reasoning is usually followed by the assumption that the cheater in a relationship coldly moves on quickly with no remorse damage done. While this may be true for some people (cough cough narcissists), the aftermath is far more complex. Bonds formed in a relationship could make detachment difficult for both the cheater and the person being cheated on. So do cheaters actually miss their ex in secret once the dust settles? To answer that, you first have to know why your partner cheated.
Why Do People Cheat?
To understand if feelings linger on the part of the cheater after infidelity, first examining the motives behind the act itself is important. The reasons why people cheat vary from person to person. Some people might cheat because of a lack of intimacy in their relationships, temptation, or the need to gratify their ego; others might do so to self-sabotage because of their insecurity. In some severe cases, cheating does stem from people falling completely out of romantic love or losing the attachment they may have formed with their partners. But oftentimes, the connection they had with their committed partners before human impulse took over, will remain.
Do Cheaters Miss Their Exes?
In scenarios where cheating is caused by more temporary factors like opportunity or boredom rather than outright loss of love, residual feelings can resurface emotionally for cheaters post-breakup. This is because the comfort, rapport, compatibility, and nostalgia for their ex may be hard to suddenly break off entirely. Unfulfilled needs that were sought elsewhere also usually still linger. Even narcissists who fed their egos from affairs can feel shaken losing that anchor partner that boosted their self-esteem for years. In short, complex bonds with an ex run too deep to ruthlessly disappear overnight, so cheaters very commonly do find themselves pining for yet another reconciliation however unlikely. This is not to say that you are to honor a reconciliation. Cheating is a very big breach of trust so it is important to have a conversation with yourself, identifying what matters the most to you and what kind of future you see for yourself before having one with your partner.
Do Betrayed Exes Miss Their Cheating Partners?
Now one may wonder, do exes who were victims of such awful betrayal also commonly miss their cheating former partners once the dust settles from the explosive fallout? After all, few things hurt worse than being deeply deceived. Initially, in the devastation of discovery, longing for one’s cheating ex seems ridiculous. Rage and a desire to forget usually dominate in the early stages of discovery. However, the fact so much anger exists reveals just how much trust was violated. Over time, as hard as it is to acknowledge, fond memories and grief over losing whatever happiness was previously shared will set in. This is because most relationships tend to have had a foundational pillar worth fighting for before it comes crashing down. Even the most mistreated betrayed ex will, at some point, experience some warmth reminiscing over simple things like inside jokes despite understanding that trust and respect may never be fully restored to the relationship.
So do cheaters miss their exes? In reality, both sides can experience some kind of longing post-cheating, although bitterness means exes rarely openly discuss or admit this vulnerable reality in the aftermath. The lingering attachment is what brings about these feelings even when the cheater’s actions may have proven that the chance of redemption is impossible. And it can be triggered by something as simple as reading old messages or hearing a song you both liked. Because feelings don’t always vanish overnight, it is important to take some time to heal before trying to rekindle anything.