Love isn’t always enough to make a relationship last because everyone has different needs to be met in their relationships. These needs are sometimes physical, like needing to spend more time together; emotional, like needing to feel safe in the relationship or functional, like requiring your partner to admit when he is wrong and make corrections.
Most of us stay in relationships where we are unhappy because our society still finds the concept of the happy single woman difficult to grasp. But every now and then, we take the bold step and leave. And we struggle to take back control of our lives and time. Now you don’t always leave an unhappy relationship because of a lack of love; sometimes you force yourself to leave despite the love you still feel.
Whether you were abused or betrayed, we understand that leaving situations such as these are incredibly hard on women. Leaving is rarely easy, but learning how to let go of someone (whether or not you still care for them) is vital to leading a happy life. That’s why we have curated the guide below to help you let go of someone especially when you still love them.
Severe All Contacts With Them
Do this at least for a little while. And no, you do not need to be friends. Keeping an ex in your life is not by itself a sign of maturity; knowing how to take care of yourself and your emotional well-being is. Many people hang on to the idea of friendship with an ex as a way to keep the possibility of the relationship alive because the idea of completely letting go seems too overwhelming. But when you are hurting, you are vulnerable. And remaining in close contact at times like these is neither how to let go of someone you cared deeply about nor how to let your heart heal. Protect yourself with healthy boundaries. Politely let your ex know you need your space and would prefer not to be in contact for the time being. If you must remain in contact because of children or other shared obligations, know that there is a distinct difference between being friendly and being friends.
Let Go Of The Fantasy
Letting go of your fantasies or dreams ranks pretty high on how to let go of someone you love. You may not know this, but a large majority of the pain we experience during a break-up has nothing to do with the relationship we really had. Relationships always end for a reason but most of us don’t want back the relationship we actually had. What we often mourn is the relationship we thought we could have had if things had just been different. But the truth you need to remember is this: that relationship didn’t exist. Because our mind is trying to heal our hearts, we often forget who the person really was and idealize who we wanted them to be. Letting go of the dream is a painful but crucial part of the forgiveness and healing process. And to let go of something you must first acknowledge and accept what did and didn’t happen.
Forgive Your Past
Forgiving your past goes hand in hand with grasping how to let go of someone who used to matter to you, especially if he treated you unfairly. When someone treats you poorly or does something hurtful, it is a natural and healthy response to feel some anger. But when we hold on to anger and resentment from past experiences we take them with us into the future. Nothing hurts more than when someone you love does something that causes you to reevaluate who you believed them to be. But letting another’s actions limit your ability to move forward means he still exerts control over your life. Forgiveness isn’t about letting your ex off the hook; it is about your emotional freedom. If you find yourself still hung up on what he did, it might help to remember the good qualities you saw in him and recognize that we all have flaws and we all make mistakes.
Don’t Hate Yourself If You Still Love Them
Love is never wrong. When someone comes into your life and gifts you the opportunity to experience love, that is always a true gift. Part of maturity, however, is recognizing that love by itself isn’t always enough to make a relationship work. Hating yourself for still caring is neither how to let go of someone you shared your life with, nor the best way to move on with your life. Moving on from a relationship that isn’t working isn’t always about ending the love you feel. Sometimes, the only way to let go is to love someone enough to want the best for him even if that means not being together. All the relationships we have in life last forever. They last in our memories, in who we have become because of them, and in the lessons, we take from them. So don’t hate yourself if after everything you’ve been through; you still love him.
Show Up For Yourself
All these lessons on how to let go of someone you love would be meaningless if, at the end of the day, you fail to show up for yourself. Ultimately, moving on from a relationship that wasn’t working is about loving yourself. For some women, this is the hardest part. In hindsight, you may feel that there are things you could have done differently, tough conversations you should have initiated earlier on in the relationship. However, you need to understand that blaming yourself is a waste of energy because it is impossible to know all the different outcomes that may have been. So show up for yourself, take yourself out to lunch and talk down your fears when they come knocking. If you believe that it might be helpful to make certain changes in your own behavior, such as improving your communication skills, embrace your chance to do this so that your next relationship can be even more amazing.
Most importantly though, every relationship you have reflects back to you what we are putting out into the world. Everyone you will ever meet in life knows something you don’t so your relationship wasn’t a failure just because it ended. You grew as a person and learned something to move your life forward. You loved deeply, and you came to the relationship with your heart open. So despite the reason it ended, your relationship served a vital purpose and you already are the better for it.