The term “phubbing” was formed by combining the words “phone” and “snubbing.” Simply put, it means phone snubbing.
In May 2012, an Australian advertising agency first used the phrase. It was coined to characterize the rising trend of people scrolling through their phones instead of paying attention to their friends and family who were right in front of them.
Basically, you know that thing you do where you “mmn” and “ahaa” the person talking to you while your entire attention is on your phone? Yeah. That’s phubbing. If you’re a Gen z or millennial, you are most likely already a serial phubber. According to this study, more than 17% of people phub other people at least four times every day and nearly 32% of respondents say they get phubbed two to three times every day.
Now that we’re clear on exactly what phubbing is and how guilty you probably are, here’s how it could potentially ruin your relationships.
How Does Phubbing Affect Your Relationships
No one likes being ignored. If it continually happens over time they would get fed up. You would be fed up. Have you ever had a conversation with someone so focused on their phone that they didn’t hear a word you said? How was it? Annoying right? Now imagine this happens every day, with someone you love or care about. Imagine never feeling heard or seen because your partner and/or friends and family always have their faces deep in their phones. Can you picture it? Do you see how over time this could potentially ruin your relationship?
Now flip it around. Picture being the phubber in this scenario. Picture the hurt you could possibly be causing your people without really knowing. It doesn’t feel good, does it? Phubbing prevents you from being present and interacting with those around you. It can cause the conversations you have to be stilted and disconnected. You may have noticed that some of your people go out of their way to not have face-to-face conversations with you and if you do this to your partner, y’all probably argue A LOT about how much time you spend on the phone. Phubbing conveys the message that the phubber doesn’t care about the company of the person they are with, or whatever that person has to say. It can and does eventually cause rifts in your relationships.
What To Do If Your Partner Is Phubbing
The only thing you can do is have a conversation with your partner. If you want to use the least violent path you need to talk to, not accuse, your partner.
- Let them know that when they look at their phone instead of you, you feel unheard.
- Explain the intimacy of eye contact and how important it is to you.
- Let them know that they matter enough to you, to want to spend time together without ANY distractions.
- Be honest about how you truly feel but try not to throw blame around. Just say how you feel.
How To Stop Phubbing
- Practice Mindfulness
- Have a no-phones policy at meals.
- When you’re with your partner, be with your partner. Put away the phone.
- If your friend or family member is talking, put the phone down and listen.
- Draw strict boundaries. Let the people in your life know when you absolutely need to be on your phone(for example for work) but any time after that(if you’re not taking “you time”), try to be there with them.
- On some occasions, try to leave your phone at home or in your bag(don’t reach for it though!). Basically, keep it as far away from you as humanly possible for a certain amount of time.